When you ask for change, the Universe obliges!
As I share some wounds of yester years I can no longer imagine, I see how far the Universe has brought me.
Dear Reader,
If this letter triggers you, please know that I am writing this with all the strength I have and all the tears I have shed.
Sometimes I look at other people’s social media stories and feel so empty. They are out there drinking and partying and a part of me knows I can’t do that. Not because drinking or partying is bad but my body no longer takes alcohol well. Once in several months, I do indulge in a couple of glasses of wine or beer or a cocktail to fit in and the next morning I’d wake up really miserable, devoid of life force.
And it takes me back to all the years I did drink alcohol as a way to fit in with the world and as a way to numb myself from the pain and crisis I felt every day.
The year was 2018 when I had suffered through many traumatic incidents. Being a young woman, just out of college and taking too many responsibilities that involved a lot of traveling as well in a city that hardly had other working women in a position I handled, made things incredibly tough. I thought it was normal and I’d try be as mentally strong as possible.
Some days involved a police case because some workman would get into a street fight, some days involved a legal case because some dealer would not be paying their dues on time, and some days involved a personal case of harassment or mistreatment as I needed to be out there in the city, with many eyes looking at me.
I handled everything pretty well and with strength, and on the surface, I overcame every hurdle, but I didn’t know something inside me felt disconnected and was unhealthy.
As I was guiding some writers with their book marketing process today, it took me back to 2018. I would finish work by 10.30pm, indulge in a house party and drink for a while, assuming it is just what everyone does as a lifestyle, and later, from about 1am, would sit to edit and typeset my book till 3.30am. The next morning I’d be out and about by 8am for work.
I just wanted my own poetry book to be out before I die - a dream I had since 2013 ever since my first fictional short-story was published. In 2018, I had suicidal thoughts and after one public meltdown I had, I was almost giving up on my career and life. I was filled with anger, shame and self-hatred. I was also diagnosed with PCOD then. In a nutshell, I was miserable.
Nobody could see how devastated I felt internally for I kept a strong face in front of the outside world. I thought that was how life is - you just act like nothing happened and move on!
That was also the time, when I had bought a pack of Bournvita biscuits that had a lucky draw in it. I won a scooter from them, which I later gave to a friend of mine because she could drive it to her office. Winning something on a lucky draw somehow made me believe that maybe my life wasn’t going to be over then, that maybe it was a sign from the Universe to not give up on life, to not give up on faith.
Looking back at those years now feels unimaginable. I can’t believe how I depressed I was then. I didn’t know then that healing from every miserable incident is possible. I didn’t know then that there are thought errors that can be corrected, that the subconscious mind can be rewired, that you can actually look forward to living life, the way a child does.
By the end of December 2018, I made a firm choice. I wrote on my diary - “This is not how my life is going to be.” I demanded change! I demanded more from my life like no one else’s business!
And things changed. They started shifting from 2019, slowly, gradually, and by the end of 2019 - all at once.
By that time, I also learned theoretically that what I did was an act of choosing consciousness, an act of manifesting a better life for myself.
Sometimes, a demand for change is all you need for your life to change.
I cannot go back in time and undo what happened to me, but I made sure to keep choosing more for myself and my loved ones - sometimes using the tools of consciousness, and at other times, using other spiritual modalities I learned.
My book had also become a bestseller by then without any investment on promotions and marketing. It was another sign for me to believe that the Universe was always listening to you, looking after you.
In 2020, after catching covid-19, I decided life was too short to keep my newly discovered skills to myself - and I started reading tarot cards for people to counsel them.
And in 2024, now, I am realizing this again, that maybe, just maybe, life is too short to keep my coaching, counseling and healing skills to myself. That maybe it is an act of selfishness when I don’t promote or market it. That sometimes, letting go of your own inhibitions in favour of a greater cause, is not self-aggrandizement but actually an act of walking on your life path!
Today, after a long time, I read my old poems. On the surface it may seem like poems on heartbreaks caused by a lover, but when I revisit them I recollect how so many of those poems were an act of release and healing I did, after suffering one traumatic incident after another.
And maybe, just maybe, when someone reads those words, some thing inside them heals too.
A couple of months back, during a session of regression, someone I was counting those incidents to had a little panic. She said to me - ‘It’s a lot! … The only reason you’re still going strong is because you trust yourself.’
It took me some time to understand that what kept me going were coaches, facilitators and mentors disguised as acquaintances or friends who I met along the way and who forbade me to give up, my inner child who still believed life is supposed to be fun, and the Universe that probably is still listening.
With love and courage,
your Trauma-informed Emotions and Mindset Coach
or Life and Transformation Coach
or Writer and Author
or Well-Who-Cares because life is too short to stick to labels and designations!
DM me at IG or reply to this mail to book a session with me.