When Fear Drives Our Actions in Love...
Whilst in all reality, deep universal love is capable of driving all fears away!
Dear reader,
Amidst all the hate for modern dating which seems so insincere, and all the rules of dating that range from boring to manipulative, I have come to believe, from all my interactions, that the basic human problem remains the same: no one’s expressing their shit!
To love someone but to not be able to express it must be one of life’s greatest pains.
Whether to express one’s love for someone or to wait for a sign must be one of life’s greatest dilemmas.
Is this something you have gone through? Or is this something you are still going through?
Or have you numbed yourself so much and logically reasoned with yourself so much that you can no longer feel that pain, that dilemma and that longing.
Romantic love is one of the most complicated feelings in the world. Mostly because everyone has different definitions of it. And also because so many of us are simply afraid.
And this is why FEAR DRIVES AND CONTROLS OUR ACTIONS:
We fear not being loved in return.
And so does our imagination of the worse scenarios:
Worse? We fear being rejected, and hence, abandoned.
Worse? We fear being used or abused because of it.
Worse? We fear being shamed about it.
And maybe this is why spiritually it makes sense to not even WANT to be loved in return. It nips the issue in the bud. It makes you fearless in your actions when you are not secretly vested in a certain outcome. It makes you feel secure and immune towards rejection, towards abuse and towards shame. Your emotions and actions become non-dependent on others. It makes you love because you can.
It makes you love because your cup is brimming with self-love. You pour your love in other cups.
It doesn’t make you want love because your cup is empty.
Yung Pueblo posted something today akin to - “A relationship must make you happier, not happy.”
A relationship must enhance your life which is already glorious. It’s like dessert. Making it the main course only makes you emotionally dependent and deprived when the other person, say, is having a bad day. A relationship must not be your only source of happiness.
If a beautiful relationship is like a rose, let your life be a garden filled with other flowers too - some ambition, some friends, some dreams, some hobbies, some quirks too.
And if at all, you are still not perfect, which none of us are, and you still WANT to be loved in return, to fall and rise and fall again, to enjoy the ups and downs of life, to express your love, here’s a little anecdote and tip for you-
You cannot drive on a highway if you are so hard-headed on avoiding colliding with the divider or the concrete walls. If you are mentally focused on avoiding a collision with the walls, your eyes too would be focused on the walls, and eventually you’ll drive there and collide and fall into what you wanted to avoid in the first place - the collision.
To drive well, one must focus on the road.
In order to win, you have to have your eyes on the prize.
And hence, to avoid being rejected and not loved in return, maybe you should stop entertaining that thought altogether. And start thinking of the amazing possibilities that would happen if you actually ARE loved in return!
Maybe sometimes, a little hope is all we need.
With love,
Sanhita Baruah
(Reply to this e-mail or DM me on Instagram to book a 1:1 session with me to resolve complicated emotions, release old hurts, change your unhelpful patterns, and more. Apparently, Amazon is running a little sale discount on my little book of poetry The Art of Letting Go. Buy it here. )